i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
