i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
