I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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