Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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