Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize