What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
