well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
