roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Let the clothes fall where they may.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
