I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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