in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
