dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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