This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
