it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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