Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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