Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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