this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
