So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
it hurts more in the daytime
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
