so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
