You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Randomize
