So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
