u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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