I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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