That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
All I want is dick and wine.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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