proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
