This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
