I can text with my tongue
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
