This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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