But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
