everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
