ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
