I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
