I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
