I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
