I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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