I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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