i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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