I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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