Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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