After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
