she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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