There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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