so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
