i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
