Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
