I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
