I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
