she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
