Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
