Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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