Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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