Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
