I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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