jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
