It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
