I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
