suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
