I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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