so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hippo gnu deer
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
