I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it penis luge time yet?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
