I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
