Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
