I puked a lego.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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