How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
