He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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